Article on Leadership Skills:
The article below (and any other article specified on this website) is available for use in your organization’s newsletter or for printed training materials. All we ask is that you include the following acknowledgment with each article you use from this site: Confronting Means CaringConfront when it’s needed.In an earlier newsletter, I wrote about the importance of confronting unacceptable employee behavior as part of your responsibility for improving performance. Managers who fail to deal with this situation positively and proactively are falling short of their responsibility to the company and other employees. Three recent discussions I’ve had with managers have converged to form the basis for this SuperAdVisor and encouraged me to take the subject of confrontation one step further. Considering the level of competition in most business segments and the importance of efficient operations, it is surprising how many companies fail to set and enforce performance standards. By tolerating the mediocre and allowing employees (including managers) at any level to become complacent, they instill the culture that mediocrity is sufficient. Such a business can never achieve outstanding results and may, in fact, be vulnerable to decline or takeover. Being in charge means making tough choices—like evaluating who’s a good employee and who isn’t. When an employee has been trained, mentored, coached, counseled, and any other interventions the organization may have available, and it is clear the employee is unable to perform, this must be a call to action—the right sort of action. Too many leaders confront only when pushed by anger. Confrontation, when performed in anger, will not lead to positive results. Confrontation needs to be built on a genuine attitude of caring. If you really care, you’ll talk about the issue. Take a break from the immediacy of the situation to get yourself calmed down. Think about the underlying reasons for your confrontation. A caring confrontation has to begin with curiosity and compassion on the part of the leader. When you care enough about the welfare of the employee, you can confront them while holding to the genuine belief that they are capable of more. This puts a positive, helpful intention on your confrontation, and the employee will see that. The basis of confrontation is caring—if you care for your employee, you will push him or her to be better. Perhaps the person may need the caring confrontation to recognize that they really don’t like the work or the company and really need to look for something more suited to their interests. Or such a compassionate confrontation may serve as the “wake up call” to improve performance. First, begin with a question similar to this: “What in the world is the problem, Don?” Rather than making a negative judgment about the person, the second step in a caring confrontation on the part of the leader includes real honest-to-goodness listening. It’s essential that you focus on their response and probe further; get the employee to explore and explain why they are not meeting expectations. For the leader, this involves listening to understand—deeper listening to help clarify what the issue really is—and it’s very different from judgmental listening or listening to deliver information. The purpose is strictly to show compassion and understanding. With this type of listening, the employee will often recognize and admit his or her own problem and comply with the proper disciplinary step, or better yet, resolve to improve. A traditional confrontation may be unnecessary. A confrontation delivered without a genuine, respectful attitude is more likely to be perceived as adversarial and less likely to produce positive results. A good analogy is to think of a caring confrontation much as you would think of lovingly disciplining a child. What parent has not been in the situation of confronting a child’s poor judgment or behavior, yet with the heartfelt desire to retain the loving relationship and not damage the child’s self-esteem? Tough love is an important disciplinary strategy. Sadly, there are times when the child makes the choice not to comply and takes the consequences. The child may ultimately learn the lesson if the parent holds firm. It is similar with employees. If you offer understanding, coupled with high standards, the choice is up to them. A compassionate confrontation certainly helps the organization, but it helps the employee too; they may need this kind of nudge in order to grow and not atrophy. By accepting your responsibility for confrontation you also win the true gratitude of your good performers who often had to pick up the slack. ##### I remember the first time I had to talk to an employee about a personal hygiene problem. I didn’t do a very good job, but that was years ago and I have learned a few things since that time. This can be a very delicate situation for most managers and supervisors—no one enjoys this kind of a discussion. But if you have been in a leadership role for even a period of months, you have probably encountered one of these situations with an employee: • Personal hygiene problems (body or breath odor) Ignoring the issue or assuming it’s temporary is probably not a good solution. Even if your organization does not have a prescribed dress code, you have a responsibility to your organization, other staff members, and your customers to address the issue. This means you need to take the initiative and discuss the situation with the offending employee. The goal of such a discussion is to say what needs to be said in a way that is direct enough to be sure the employee gets the message, while at the same time, to say it in a way that is not critical or confrontational. You should always strive to be respectful of your employee and clearly focused on being helpful. It should be obvious that you want to avoid mentioning sensitive matters like this publicly. You should also encourage others who complain to you to stop gossiping about the person and assure them that you have things fully under control. If possible, you should initiate the discussion before the situation has become an established pattern. It could go something like the following examples: Example 1 – Inappropriate Attire Jeff: Kelly, may I speak to you a few minutes? Let’s step in the conference room. Kelly: What’s up, Jeff? Am I doing okay on the job? Jeff: Your work is just fine, but there is something else I’d like to talk about. Some people have commented on your clothing choices as not being appropriate for the office. I don’t want to offend you because you are doing a really good job. We just want to assure that coworkers are not distracted from the work and customers aren’t offended. It’s true that we don’t have a written dress code, so maybe you and I can talk about some guidelines for clothing that will really enhance your career here. Kelly: Gee, I didn’t realize I was out of line. I know I’m younger than some of the people I work with. I don’t want to look too old and frumpy, and I don’t want to look like everybody else. What kinds of clothes do people think I should be wearing? Jeff: I certainly understand your concern about dressing for your age and personality. I think that can be done, yet you can still look very professional. First, let’s talk about necklines…blouses or necklines that are not revealing. Do you have dresses or tops that cover you up to an inch or so below the collarbone? Do you think that’s a reasonable guideline? Remember that your goal is not to belittle Kelly or be the fashion dictator. Assume she has made an honest error, and patiently explain what you expect in order to educate her. Get her to agree to do better, and then thank her. When she comes in tomorrow with appropriate clothing, tell her she looks very nice. Be pleasant and supportive of her work. You’ll know if you have done a good job with this conversation if she continues to comply. Example 2 – Body piercings and tattoos Jeff: Jordan, may I speak to you in my office for a few minutes?Jordan: Okay. Jeff: I wanted to speak to you about your choice of the body jewelry and how that may affect your work here. Please understand that I respect your work and your contribution here. I also believe that you have a right to express yourself in your personal life, but I am wondering if you considered how this may impact your service to customers. Some customers may be offended, and I am wondering if you would be willing to remove the new jewelry when you have to work the counter. Or do you have ideas about this situation that will allow us to show respect for you and also respect our customers? Jordan: Well, I can’t take them out for a few weeks until they heal. After that, I guess I could take them out when I am on the front desk. Again, the goal is to speak respectfully to the employee, acknowledging his or her right to certain choices and ask for their help in performing their job in a way that is not distracting or offensive. If you can reach an acceptable solution, you will have a committed employee and you will have gained the confidence that comes from taking initiative in a tough situation. Example 3 – Hygiene Problems Jeff: Barry, if you are free, let’s step in your office so we can talk. Barry: Sure, Jeff. What’s up? Jeff: I don’t want to embarrass, you but several people have come to me and reported that when they approach your desk, there is a strong body odor that makes them not want to approach you. I realize that there are many reasons for strong body odors, and if yours is based on any kind of medical condition we want to be sure that you are taken care of. I have noticed the problem once myself, and I wonder what can be done and if you are willing to try to take care of this situation. We really like your work, and we want you to fit in here. Barry: I’m sorry. I haven’t done my laundry for a couple of weeks. I didn’t think anybody would notice. I’ll try to do better. Make sure your discussion is always couched in terms of being helpful to the employee. When you do, the large majority of employees will comply with your needs. If you are nice to them first, they will respond in kind. Return to List of Free Articles on Leadership Skills
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